bright day, turning windy and pale sunshine after noon.

i still dozed a lot in office in the morning. last night ema told me she brought baby visited doctor, and was told likely baby's heart has some problem. my direct response was it can't be and i blamed her too fussy about baby's health. she retorted its none of my business. then i launched to operate on pc and my broking heart love for my baby, esp. in the view of cherished his countable time on earth let me sorry. i visited him who playing with his mother and felt we couples love him the same. then i doubting if we should not treating baby liking he was short of something comparing with other kids in the world. and i felt enough of ema's over-protect baby, just to show her tendering. i love baby strong and independent, cute and robust. i don't like to see his demanding other's companion, esp. his mother. but ema glad to drive him to ask for her cares. cares to his every cough with fussy padding, and every changes of body temperature with all kinds of medicines. too much fussy just to show her fragile cares. i would like to see baby silent and independent, enduring and sound.
this noon i returned home and found the grandma didn't cook as usual. i waited awhile then buzzed ema. she was with baby in another hospital, likely brought baby into medical check. i then left to office. on the way she buzzed but i can't listen clearly what she intends to do. after lunch in a nearby restaurant of the dorm i returned to office and buzzed her again and this time she had left baby in the kindergarten and returning to her working school. later when i writing this she buzzed me again and discuss the situation we faced.
i never believed my baby has any physical problem. he was just so perfect, so shiny under God's glow. if any problem calling him, that's from God's. God, let me take ur way and show me the peace of life of my family. i endured and took vow of loving the world u builds.

baby at home after first serious snow since winter

look down to reality.

talked to people.

pointed to the future.

tired.

my family relax at my hometown

we had a good time there, Changjiang river ,the dam and mountains and lakes.relatives and kindhearted folks. my baby ate a lot of ice sticks.

My family on the dam of our hometown

baby beside changjiang river

baby with relatives and friends at his aunts' home

my family at my hometown

baby,i know u distressed seriously first time

last night i was troubled by the omen of my suffering beloved.i know u blessd me with all what i ask in ur name and they,all my beloved, all brillion like diamonds and pearls, still i beg u let them happier,and accept me sooner,accept my being happy as them and united as them.last night i led me travelled in tianjin and u told me first time in need of human language that the 3 mountains u,ur mother and me should buried.i woke up at once and heart-breaking so long.i kneeled to the moon of ours on the south sky in the dawn and to the east and the west.i tried most of the internet cafes i haunted with girl fangfei on my back as u and the sun directed.baby, Jhwh,i really want to see u see the world after me.i need ur being appeased by the world of mine and my being contented with ur bless onto me.
last noon on the south garden u with ur parents met a couple with their baby daughter.the baby daughter touched ur right cheek and constantly ask for ur ball.they r dogs. and they r dead from the mid night of yesterday.i kill dog need not more than a second, u know.but u still serously distressed by the evil world of mine that i now had. Yhwh, my baby, my dad, u needn't reraise urself a time last night,i can let me die and reraised.Yhwh, my baby, my dad, i seen ur heaven like a mountain in silver cloud and snow in the sky, but u needn't told me u want to bury there,u forever at will at any place with ur full glorious presence visible and invisible.Yhwh, my baby, my dad, i still want to take the full duty of being a son of mine now as human being to love the world,love the beauty,love ur time and its longitude on earth till i left the world.don't let me cry for u out of my sight on the earth,promise me, Yhwh, my baby, my dad.
i last night claimed my being the emporer of the earth, of China.i claimed my wifes including fangfei, zhou,mashengyoujizi, the japanese girl,jamie,the US girl,the 2 girls near me now of medical university students and will worked in army,another will have an ralation with me.i claimed the 2 girl students in family name of jiang and li once tutured in ur house now,the girl lizhonghui we met early,and the girl u directed me met in the little food shop and attracked me so much.i claimed the girl on the bus of route 108 when we stood outside of the window and i sang a song till moved her.baby, Yhwh, my dad, glory to u, full pleasure to me and u.
bye.

baby,i love u.

baby,from today u lost ur father.u r now ur alone.i hope u left the world after my depart from it.